im not going to lie.. i honestly find myself stoned in front of a laptop at the end of a day. and in slippers, no doubt. but sometimes it just makes me feel lazy. i feel i should be painting more, taking more photos of nouns, getting outside more, spending more time with people i like, spending less time missing the ones i love.
work is stressful. i need a new job. i dont know why i am telling the world this but i feel i needed to get it off of my chest. since talking about it with the cat doesnt really DO anything. right? lol
heres something to do: tha dishes. godamn girl, you managed to do like half of them several days ago, what the fuck happened? the dishes are like.. the physical representation and constant reminder of how my life is at any given time. WE ARE LIVING IN A PARALLEL UNIVERSE.
people, wake up.
note to self.
oh and my birth certificate finally came to me by mail. pretty excited. i can actually exist again. though, i do have torn feelings on this issue. do i really want to be a citizen of california? sigh.. yes, yes, i think i do.
ive been here a year now. WHAT THE CUSS. thats a new record for me. im actually proud of myself. ive managed to stay at one job, regardless of how lame it gets, for an entire year. revolutionary. oh and get this, im paying taxes. and im about to get a valid driver license again. but most likely holding off on the whole bank/phone thing. i like my monies in my home, nestled in the tummies of my piggies. grama aint raise no fool hah. and phones are too expensive to keep up with anyway. the internet is free and skype is the shit. BTW skype:shilohrosegaska for contact.
its hard to get my mind to slow down sometimes. im always so overwhelmed with thought. this has been a problem for me since i was very young. and it has caused terrible tension migraines and unneeded stress through the years. i still feel so naive yet i obtain all this information that i dont know what to do with. i remember when i was like 13 telling my mom how i felt like my mind was a battleground. thoughts can be such powerful tools of torture. oh life. how you've made me so fucking strange.
anyway, i feel i should be studying more. like, i do, all the time, which is why i am mostly so crazy and have become such a social recluse, but as in go to class for it. i understand that knowledge is wisdom is truth but must i go to college for this? im thinking just some basic theology, astrology, philosophy, photography. those are quite possibly the only things i can ever find myself taking interest in. like enough to not smoke weed after work and go to class for. its a hard knock life, man.
going to bed early tonight. dont wake me when you come home.
ill leave the light on for you.
xo
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